"Bitch"

The word "BITCH"  is a word that should never be used in today's society. It is a term referring to a person as a female dog. However, many men use this term in referring to females. What people fail to realize is that these guys are degrading them. They have no respect for a female if he is calling her a "bitch". This is the same for females that call each other bitches. There is no need for this word what so ever. This video is what many people should remember. This was once one of my favorite songs and is something that everyone should remember.

Interview #2: Aleques D. N. Lanier

1.       Name

a.       Aleques D. N. Lanier

2.       Where were you born

a.       Joliet, Illinois

3.       Where did you grow up

a.       Joliet, Illinois and Vicksburg, MS

4.       What are your parent’s names and what do they do (occupation)

a.       Michael Lanier(biotech/electronics) and Michelle Hawkins(nurse)

5.       Number of siblings

a.       5

6.       Their names

a.       Johnathann Hawkins, Michael Lanier Jr., James Lanier, Joseph Lanier, and Teighlore Lanier

7.       What was your life like growing up as a black girl in both the north and the south?

a.       Growing up in the North for me was I guess I was looked at as a normal child.  Had a black dad and a mixed mother.  I grew up around a lot of black people, and I don’t know the white side of my family, but that hasn’t stopped me from talking to white people.  When I moved down south that was just a huge culture shock.  People are still calling people the “N” word, which I find ridiculous.  I went to high school in Vicksburg and all you heard any black person say was my “N” did this and that, but if a white person said it then he would be in the hospital at the end of the day hoping to see another day.

8.       Did you ever encounter racism? Explain.

a.       Yes.  I was in the first grade and my teacher Mrs. Smith told all the black kids in class that they stink and they needed to go home and take a bath.  And I went home and told my parents and they had a meeting with the principal.  She didn’t lose her job, but I slick believe she hated me for the rest of the year, and if she could she would have failed me.  LOL.

9.       What privileges or setbacks do you feel that you experienced growing up in the north?

a.       Privilege wise I was around people who looked at my skin color and didn’t care what color I was.  They for me I think felt like even though we were too different colors I was still the same silly person even if I was the color of white paint.  I was considered normal there and whole lot different in the south.  The only setback would be that I wasn’t ready for what the south had to offer.

10.   What, if anything do you remember your parents telling you about race?

a.       The only thing I remember really is my parents talking about how us kids don’t and won’t really know the other side of our family because my Nana (mother’s side) was disowned by her family because she married a black man and she had a kid with this black man.  And ever since then there has been no communication on either end.

11.   What did your parents tell you or instill in you regarding being a black woman?

a.       Nothing at all.

12.   Why did you attend school (high school)

a.       My parents made me.  In my house you had no SAY SO until you started paying your own got darn bills and if you were making money you better be helping pay for the utilities you are using up in their house and you better be to find somewhere else to stay.

13.   What was it like in school for you as a black female?

a.       Caucasian and African American boys honestly thought that just because I’m black that they had every right to feel on me and everything.  Irritating.  I pressed charges on one boy for sexually harassing me.  And from that point on a lot of stuff stopped happening to me at school.  But I think in general all females, but more black girls, do get looked at as an easy target just because they are females.  But once women start standing up for themselves things will get better.  It did for me.

14.   Where did you attend undergrad?

a.       University of Mississippi

15.   Why did you pick this specific school?

a.       Dad said I couldn’t go to JSU because it was too much violence.  Mind you he would rather send me 3 hours away than 30 minutes away; also he is sending me to an all-white school where they still don’t like black folks.

16.   How far do you want to take your education?

a.       Nurse practitioner

17.   Why do you not want to have children?

a.       A lot of things in my childhood.  Mainly being I had a close family member sexually abuse me for eight years, sexually harassed for four years, and almost raped my freshmen year by a classmate.  I just feel like I wasn’t being protected and parents can’t always be there for your child.  So for me that’s a way to not only protect myself from being hurt but to also protect (my) child from going through what I went through as a child, teenager, young woman.

18.   How is it like being a black woman today?

a.       I mean for me it’s normal.  I’m starting to get use to how a lot of people in the south are so ignorant still.  A lot of things I can let go.  Like being called the “N” word, because for me it’s a 2011 and its time for a new word.  And as long as African Americans keep using this word then of course other people outside of our race are going to keep calling us that.  Its common sense, just like 2+2 makes four-ignorant African Americans + common sense make a smarter African Americans.

19.   Where are you working now?

a.       I-Hop as a waitress, FOR NOW.

20.   What are your relationships like with other women?

a.       Ummm, I don’t really care for women just simply because I don’t have that figure of how a woman should act.  Because I’ve never had that mother figure.

21.   What do you think is the role of both black men and women in a relationship should be (inside the home)?

a.       I honestly believe that it is a two way street.  If one party is putting forth the effort so should the other party that is involved.  There should be common ground in the household and I think that women of any race should really appreciate a strong African American man, if that’s what they like, to keep a hold of them because those kind of men are scarce in our world today.  Once they are gone they are gone.

22.   What do you think about women who date outside their race?

I honestly think that if you want to date someone outside of your race then do it.  I mean if that’s what floats your boat then go ahead.  More power to you.  And if you let somebody tell you that your stupid if your date outside of your race, just look at them and tell them---Obviously what you are doing isn’t keeping him/her at bay so maybe you should take some cards from him/her and use them.  And then politely say nice meeting you and hope you have a nice day.  Don’t forget to smile. 

Interview #1: Kathy R. House

 What is your name?
o Kathy House
 Where were you born?
o Helena, Arkansas
 Where did you grow up?
o I was raised in Kenosha, WI
 What were your parent’s names?
o Alvin and Bertha House
 What did your parents do?
o Daddy worked at the power plant and mama was a stay at home mom
 How many siblings do you have?
o It is 8 of house all together
 What are their names?
o Bertha who died in 2009, Rose who is your grandmother, Sandrews, Benny, Alvin Jr., Ricky, Margret, and Me. I’m the baby.
 What was your life growing up as a black girl in the north?
o Well first of all I guess it was ok. Kind of like it weren’t a lot of black women around. Well first of all I was the only black girl in my class in all of my classes. So I didn’t have any people that looked like me. Especially people to look up to, except for mama and daddy. So I was kind of sheltered. I stayed in the house a lot. Mama was older, daddy was older. So I was taking care of mama. At the age of twelve. I had been taking care of her.
 Did you ever encounter racism?
o YES
 Elaborate, please?
o The first time was when I first went to school up there. I didn’t really know what it was. This white girl came up to me and was like can I touch your skin. I was like sure. And she said “It feels the same as mine.” I didn’t understand what that meant. The second time was when I was working at the bank. I know the lady’s name but you can’t mention it on your blog. Her name was Mrs. ___She refused to come to my line because I was black. She called me the n-word and everything. The n-word and everything. And my manager didn’t even put her out because she had over a million dollars in her account. My manager didn’t put her out but my assistant manager put her out. She said “if you can’t go to her and she represents out bank then you need to leave and go to another branch.” And now she’s the manager
 What privileges or setbacks do you feel that you experienced growing up in the north?
o Well, I had a different life because I was taking care of mama. So I felt like I had to sacrifice a lot because I was taking care of her. So I didn’t do a lot of stuff because of that. But that didn’t have nothing to do with me being black. But I don’t think that my teachers pushed me enough.
 What, if anything do you remember your parents telling you about race?
o They ain’t talk about race. They was old first of all. They did not talk about race. Umm next question.
 What did your parents tell you or instill in you regarding being a black woman?
o Mama was very supportive. She was always very proud of me. She told me I could do anything I wanted. She told me I was beautiful even though I was dark skin. She was my biggest supporter.
 Why did you attend school (high school)?
o Because mama told me I had to go to school. That was the law right there. Nawl but because I was always curious. I always asked a lot of questions. I still do. I always wanted to know. I always wanted to know the facts. I had to get the facts from the books. You know I always wanted to be a nurse so I had a plan. I had to go to school I had to go to college. Plus mama made me go I ain’t have no choice.
 Talk a little about those days please.
o Well I really didn’t do anything. First of all I was dark skinned so I was choc-o-latte, and I was heavy set. So I kind of felt like I wasn’t part of the in crowd. Being the only black person and being dark skinned. I think if I was lighter, I don’t know why I thought that if I was lighter I would fit in a little better. So yea, umm I didn’t really participate in any sports or any extracurricular activities. Not because I really didn’t want to but just because I felt like I didn’t fit in. Like I was embarrassed at times of who I was. Which is kinda sad, because I love myself now, but at that time I felt like I didn’t fit in so it was like awkward.
 Where did you attend undergrad?
o First, I went to Gateway to get my associates. Then I went to Champlain, which is a branch of DeVry. But it’s the nursing part of it, for my bachelors. I haven’t went back for my masters.
 How far did you take your education?
o I only received my bachelors. I did not go back to get my masters because I am working two jobs.
 Do you have children?
o No
 Why did you choose not to have children?
o Because I wanted to have my career first. Do I regret it? Yes. Plus I wanted to get married first. I wanted to do it the right way. I should have had me a whole bunch of kids.
 How is it like being a black woman today?
o I still think that its racism out there, it’s just more undercover. Especially in my profession. It was very hard when I first started out because everyone wanted to challenge how smart you are. Especially the ones that are under you. Because we’re over LPNs and CNAs. And they really didn’t want to listen to you. They challenged everything because of the color or your skin. I noticed that too. Not only them but the patients too. Not so much the white patients but the African American patients. Especially the ladies. I never understand this, but they will challenge you. “You sure you know what you’re doing?” I want to be like, “Excuse me? You asking my CAN what to do? She don’t know what to do she coming to ask me what to do.”
 Where are you working now?
o I work at Aurora hospital as a staff nurse. I work on the medical oncology surgical floor at the hospital. Then I also teach LPN students at a private college.
 Where do you teach?
o I teach at this college called Jay Renee. They are moving to Elgin, IL where I live at. It’s a private college. It’s a nursing school.
 What are your relationships like with other women?
o Well with my family, I have a very good and very positive. I think they uh do respect me, and respect my opinion. Sometimes I do go off the wild a little bit but not all the time. But like I said it’s very challenging with black women as patients. Not older black women but women my age. Between the ages of 20 and 40. They challenge a lot of things I say. They don’t trust me, they don’t respect me, they look at me all crazy. I just don’t understand that. And then my students, it depends. It’s either good or it’s bad. Some of the black girls, just the girls not the boys, they try to give me attitude or favoritism. It just don’t make any sense. But umm, as far as my family I have a good relationship with them. I have one best friend, she black though. We have a good relationship. I don’t know, sometimes I think that our culture doesn’t like to see us doing well.
 What do you think is the role of both black men and women in a relationship should be (in the home)?
o I don’t think that there should be a specific role. Like the traditional, man should take care of the household, whatever, whatever. I think that in order for a relationship to work that both parties have to contribute something. You have to have very good communication or its not go work. Communication is the key. Both parties have to contribute something. Like if one is out working, you have to contribute something in the household. You have to work together, you have to be one. If you on this page the other can’t be on another page. Nope, Nope, Nope it’s not going to work. Both have to be on the same page working in the same direction. If I’m over here working on my master’s you can’t not even have your GED. That is not going to work. It’s not because my goals and what I’m striving for and what you want is totally different. You content with blowing your money, working at I don’t know, I don’t want to say Wal-Mart, but working at odds and ins here. You know content with making a couple hundred dollars a month. And I’m striving for something different and I want my house and stuff it’s not going to work.
 What do you think about women who date outside their race?
o It doesn’t bother me. I don’t care about men or women. If you love somebody it doesn’t matter what color you are.
 What issues do you think most affect black Americans today?
o I think that our biggest issue is that we want to blame everybody else for our mess ups. We don’t want to take accountability for our own actions. We have so many opportunities but we don’t even try to take advantage of them. We can be and do whatever we want to do. It may be a little harder because of the color of our skin. But we don’t even want to try at times. We are content with failure. And we’ll say “All it’s because we’re black”. That’s not an excuse anymore.

Baby Mama v motherhood

So earlier I wrote an entry on the difference between a baby daddy and a father. So now I feel like I need to make a distinction between a baby mama and a what it means to be a woman in motherhood. The term baby mama is in so many way a degrading term. This term is something men use in referring to the mother of their children. However, they use this and only mean just that. The said part is that many African American women will proudly say that they are a man's "baby mama" and be glad to be called that. That is nothing to be proud of. This means you are degrading yourself. You should be proud to a woman and a mother. NOT a baby mama. It irks my nerves to hear women say "o he my baby daddy" or "o I'm his baby mama". STOP SAYING THAT BULL ISH. You are a mother of a child, not somebody's baby mama. I am a proud mother of a little boy who calls me his "mother". And I will forever be known as his mother, and not his father's baby mama.

~~~A Phenomenal Woman~~~

Baby Daddy v Fathers

So there is a real misconception on what it means to be a father. Father's day just passed and many men who have children were very proud. However, many men who have children and who were proud should not have been as proud. This is because the number of children who are growing up with out a father is at a ridiculous number. There are so many women who are raising their children by themselves because men decide that they don't want to grow up or are not ready for the responsibility that comes with having children. Those men who do not stay around to take care of their children are usually referred to as baby daddies. They have a relationship with a woman and get her pregnant and then decide to just walk away. African American women are the main women effected by the decision of this men. Baby Daddies are known to not care about the feelings of African American women. They expect them to just take care of the children and not complain. They want these women to also take care of them as well as the children. However, on the hand a father is the man who take care of his responsibilities. He is the one who does everything in his power to make sure his children never want or need for a damn thing. This is the man who could care less what another person says about him or his decisions. This man is the man that African American women dream about and want. This is the man that little blacks look up to and want to one day become. This the man that little black girls look up to and say to themselves "this is the type of man I want to marry". This is the man that African American women should find and treat right so that they can eventually become is WIFE!!! Too many women fall for the okie doke and fall for men who are not this type of man and they need to stop falling for these men. They will forever try to hold African American women down.
~~~A Phenomenal Woman~~~

Wifey v. Wife

So it's been known that African American men have used the term "Wifey" as a reference to the women they are dating. However, what many African American who are dating these young men is that the term "wifey" is not a term of affection or even a term meaning commitment. The term "wifey" is used to describe a female as being a man's main woman. Therefore, meaning there are other females he is talking to. There are other girls he is in relationships with. You just happen to be the one he has maybe been with the longest, or the one he cares about the most. You are not the one he runs to when he wants a quick screw. Even still you maybe those things you are not his WIFE.  It is said the Bible that "He who finds a wife finds a good thing" Proverbs 18:22. Ladies when a man decides to marry you he has decided to spend the rest of his life with you. He has decided to dedicate his life to making sure that he is taking care of his WIFE and his family. He is not doing these things if you are his WIFEY!!!! Therefore, LADIES DO NOT LET A MAN REFER TO YOU AS HIS WIFEY!!! He has not made that decision to call you his one and only, he has not made the decision to get on one knee, ask you to marry him and go in front of his friends and his family to announce it to the world that you are his only one. And that is all!!!

~~~~A Phenomenal Woman~~~~

The Black Woman Stripper

A co-worker of mine told me that her sister once told her that she strips because it’s quick and easy money. It is a known fact that stripping is not the ideal job for many women, let alone black women. However, it is a job that many black women have. Many women strip because it is easy money to take off their clothes; therefore they work a few hours and come home with hundreds of dollars. But at the same time there are women who are working to support their families, or to finance their way through college so that they can have a better life. But who is anyone to say what a good job is. If a person feels that the best way for them to get the life that they want or “need” in life, then why is it so wrong for women to strip? Stripping is a job that is looked at in such a bad light that it is a shame. There is no reason why any woman of any color should ever be judge because of how they decide to make their money. SO WITH THAT BEING SAID…….STOP JUDGING PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THEIR JOB CHOICE!!! If someone wants to show off their body because they know they are sexy let them show off their body without being looked at like something is wrong with them.